1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,010 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,920 Ethan had one of the easiest lives in recorded human history. 3 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,640 There was much to feel grateful for. 4 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,040 He had recently received a blowjob in a park. 5 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,959 His screen time was down to six hours a day, 6 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,400 not including laptop or TV. 7 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,880 He loved to read. 8 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,799 He didn't read, but he could read. 9 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,000 And when he did, which was never, he loved it. 10 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,479 Ethan's life was easy. 11 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,280 There was nothing to complain about. 12 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,439 And yet... 13 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,719 So, this feeling of hopelessness, is that something 14 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,079 that's been triggered by something specific, or...? 15 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,079 I think leaving the flat is a big part of it. 16 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,119 Like, I genuinely think 17 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,279 all landlords should be shot and then guillotined. 18 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,999 Wow. 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,319 Apart from my uncle, obviously. He's nice. 20 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,119 That's a lot of blame. I actually rent out a couple of apartments... 21 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,639 All I wanted was to live in a shit flat with my two best friends 22 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,719 and get drunk every night and make memories 23 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,919 that would last a lifetime, and just have, 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,439 I don't know, ten years of my life 25 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,879 where I wouldn't have to worry about anything. 26 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,879 I mean, is that really too much to ask? 27 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:23,930 Yeah. 28 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,159 But didn't you say you'd found another flat? 29 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,519 Yeah, yeah, we found a new flat, 30 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:30,959 but we can't move in for, like, three weeks, 31 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,479 so we'll have to crash with this guy, Jesse. 32 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,399 Who's Jesse? Well, he's like my boyfriend. OK. 33 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,879 Except we're not together and I don't like him. 34 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,599 He's really hot, but he's awful, which is maybe why he's hot. 35 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,439 You know, cos I wouldn't want to fuck someone I respect. 36 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,639 TELEPHONE PINGS, ETHAN CHUCKLES 37 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,279 I wouldn't want to, like, come in Gandhi. 38 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,439 TELEPHONE PINGS Maybe when he was younger. 39 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,319 Younger than... dead. 40 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,399 I mean... You're on your phone. Sorry, sorry. 41 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,959 Yeah. My father, he just freaks out 42 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,359 if I don't respond to him immediately. 43 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,520 Daddy issues? 44 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,719 No. No, of course not. Sorry. 45 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,770 Yeah, me neither. 46 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,840 I don't want to be like... Sorry. Yeah, sorry. 47 00:02:05,411 --> 00:02:10,159 Sorry. I'm not trying to be like, "My life's so hard." 48 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,279 Like, "Woe is me." 49 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,679 You know, I... I didn't live through Aids or whatever. 50 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,159 Wow. How old do you think I am? 51 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,639 But sometimes it's like life is hard. You know, life IS hard. 52 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,690 And maybe... 53 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,359 ...maybe woe IS me. 54 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,410 Mm-hm. 55 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,950 It just feels like everything's already over. 56 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:35,639 Listen, maybe the feeling that you're experiencing isn't 57 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,919 a feeling that everything is over. 58 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,879 Maybe it's a feeling that everything's not over. 59 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,679 Not over - maybe that's it. 60 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,839 I mean, you're what, 24? 61 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,359 24, yeah. Jesus. That's, um... 62 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,799 That's young. 63 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,159 It's... 64 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,320 You know, it's, uh... 65 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:15,839 Sorry, I didn't... 66 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,039 I've actually got a real client in about 15 minutes. 67 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,439 So, do you want to do this? Yeah, of course. 68 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,599 Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. 69 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,639 It's just when your... 70 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,559 when your bio said "therapist", with the waiting times and stuff, 71 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,090 I was like, "May as well." I was just, like... Shh-shh! 72 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,239 You know what you are? What? 73 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,559 You're... You're just a hole. 74 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,239 You're just a hole for daddy. Say that. 75 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,759 I'm just a hole for daddy. Yeah, yeah. 76 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,600 Good boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 77 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,210 And you know what? 78 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,439 You're fine, OK? 79 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,279 Just so you know, you're fine mentally. 80 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,559 Great. You're valid. You're enough. 81 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,030 Now open your mouth, you little slut. Open it wide. 82 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,330 You're just a hole. 83 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:02,570 Guys! 84 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,520 I think I broke the wall somehow! 85 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,799 Why would you use a drill, Ethan? Drills are... 86 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,919 I don't know what drills are for, 87 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,279 but they're definitely not for removing a photo from the wall. 88 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,479 I don't know, the drill felt powerful. 89 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,919 It felt like, "This is MY wall," you know? 90 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,479 But it's not your wall. It's Susan's wall. 91 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,719 Oh, well, I'm sorry that I wanted to memorialise 92 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,559 the night where I met the two loves of my life 93 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,079 and everything changed forever. 94 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,799 LAUGHING: That's not even the night we met! 95 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,639 What? That night you got so drunk, you pissed on that car. 96 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,439 Yeah, and there were people in it, and they called the police. 97 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,519 It's clearly just a shit wall. You know, really, 98 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,959 we should be refusing to pay the deposit because the wall's so shit. 99 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,399 But it's... it's a deposit. We've already paid it. 100 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,079 Well, then we should sue her! Just fix it. 101 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,319 She's coming round tomorrow, 102 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,279 so we need to be done and out by tonight. 103 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,759 Yeah. Some of us really need that money. 104 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:55,879 We all really need that money. 105 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,039 No, but we need it for food, not vodka tonics and Hinge . 106 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,000 I don't have Hinge any more! 107 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,479 Ethan wasn't stupid. 108 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,239 He had never imagined things would be easy, 109 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,559 but he had imagined more interesting difficulties. 110 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,159 Who the fuck uses condoms? 111 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,639 So, pre's at 21:00, and then 100 drinks, 112 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,199 two lines of coke and we head to the club for 11? 113 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,159 No drugs until you fix the wall, please. 114 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,159 OK! Hey, the new landlord just emailed. 115 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,679 They said we can probably move in by the 27th. 116 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,799 Oh, great! Wait, 27th is like a month. 117 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,879 I thought you said three weeks. 118 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,159 Is that what you told Jesse? Don't eat that! 119 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,119 I told Jesse two days, but that'll be fine. 120 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,800 He'll be distracted by his own abs. 121 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,359 Oh, my God, that is vile! Yeah, I told you. 122 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,839 Oh, also, we need proof of income before we can sign anything. 123 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,719 Ab, have you got those payslips? Yeah, yeah. 124 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,959 Sorry. Work are just slow doing it. 125 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,199 I'll, um... I'm going in later, so I'll ask. 126 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,119 Cool. Thanks. I thought we all took the day off to finish packing! 127 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,319 Well, no, cos I've got my review next week. 128 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,959 What exactly did you take the day off of? 129 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,879 OK! It's not my fault 130 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,279 that I got fired for being on my phone too much. 131 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,399 Yes, it is. Yeah, I think it is. I'm just... 132 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,479 I'm really, really glad you finally got fucked. 133 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,479 Well, I didn't really get fucked. 134 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,599 It hurts! Oh, my God, it hurts so much! 135 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,239 It stretches! I don't know how people do it. 136 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,799 It's like... It's like being impaled. It's insane. 137 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,039 I've made my peace with it. 138 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,719 I'm never gonna get raw-dog slammed by a huge monster cock. 139 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:18,759 Well, that's defeatist. 140 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,239 Have you told Jesse that you're sleeping with other people? 141 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,319 What? No! I don't need him to meticulously approve 142 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,199 every therapist I suck off to completion. 143 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,319 We're not Amish, OK? It's chill. We're casual. 144 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,599 I don't get your relationship. 145 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,799 I don't get your relationship either. 146 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,679 But I don't judge you for going out with Tom. 147 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,679 Yeah, you do. You do it all the time. You call him an incel. 148 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,679 Well... 149 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,959 Well, it's because he has a low libido. 150 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,079 Abi... What?! ..he's 32. 151 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,639 That's not healthy. Healthy? 152 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,679 You're about to go stay with your ex-girlfriend, so... 153 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:46,999 She's... We're friends. 154 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,919 I could not be friends with someone who cheated on me... 155 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,039 ...because they'd be dead. 156 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,239 Because I'd have stabbed him to death. 157 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,559 Wait, you guys think that she cheated on me? 158 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,639 Does anyone know what caulk is? 159 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,439 Am I saying that right? Caulk? Zara didn't cheat on me. 160 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,159 We were in an open relationship. 161 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,799 We... We were in an open relationship. 162 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,679 Were you? Or were you definitely not in an open relationship? 163 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,359 No, no, we were in an open relationship. 164 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,079 We just hadn't had that specific conversation yet. 165 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,679 But it was subtext - open relationship. 166 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:06,759 Mm-hm. Sure. 167 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,399 I can't believe she's training to be a therapist now. 168 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,599 She's gonna be the worst therapist of all time. 169 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,079 My last therapist rimmed me... THEY CHUCKLE 170 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,240 ...really well. THEY LAUGH 171 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:23,880 Abi and Sam are very impressive young women, aren't they? 172 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,639 Always seem to have everything... sorted. 173 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,799 What do you mean by that? 174 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,879 I just don't understand why you don't come home. 175 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,799 I mean, I've got a huge amount of your old stuff 176 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,239 I need you to sort through. 177 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,879 Yeah, that's partly why I'm not coming home! 178 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,279 Ethan! You said you'd be here an hour ago. 179 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,239 I know! Sorry! Hello! Have you lost your shirt? 180 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,559 Gosh, look at you. I'm sorry. I'm Sarah's mum, Ethan. 181 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,719 Er, Ethan's mum, Sarah. 182 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,959 I'm so pleased he finally has a boyfriend. 183 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,000 Uh... he's not my boyfriend. 184 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,519 What? What? 185 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,359 Ethan, it's not safe to live with someone that you don't know! 186 00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,639 Thank you. That's all right. 187 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:03,119 I mean, he could be, like, a scammer or a mad axe murderer! 188 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,439 Look at him. Look at you. 189 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,039 Be realistic. Come on! 190 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,839 He's joking, Mum! We're very serious. 191 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:08,919 We're practically engaged. 192 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,839 We're trying for a baby. Oh, don't be disgusting, Ethan! 193 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,159 Sorry, that's not a... I mean, um, you'd have to adopt. 194 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,479 He'd have to adopt. You'd both have to adopt, wouldn't you? 195 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,639 But do be careful, 196 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,039 because a friend of mine's daughter got one that bites. 197 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,519 Right, well, this is an electric group. 198 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,839 Should we start a podcast? Well... 199 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,519 Ethan, please, can we just take this stuff upstairs? 200 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,359 I'm halfway through a self-tape for the live-action Ratatouille. 201 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,800 Gosh. What, topless? It's a reimagining. 202 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,399 Well, I'll, um... I'll leave you boys to it. 203 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,319 I suppose I have to let you make your own mistakes. 204 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,970 I do wish there weren't thousands of them all in a row. 205 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,359 Oh, call your father. His rash has come back. 206 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,360 I mean, half his bottom has flaked off! 207 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:49,880 OK, um... 208 00:08:49,881 --> 00:08:52,599 Why is everything in bin bags? 209 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,679 Oh, you know, my life's trash, so... 210 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,199 Hey, Ethan... 211 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,959 ...don't talk about yourself like that. 212 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,959 I was joking. Hey, can you take the rest of the stuff upstairs? 213 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,039 Cos I've got to go back and do some DIY shit. 214 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,639 No, I'm in the middle of a tape. I can't. 215 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,399 Please! I'm so sorry. I'll be back later. 216 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,400 I'll be drunk. Hey, look at me. 217 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,599 I love you. Oh, please stop saying that! 218 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:14,799 I'm joking! 219 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,079 SARAH: Why is this such a tight road?! 220 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,239 When Ethan's mother was 24, 221 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,999 she was already working her way up the ranks 222 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,600 of one of London's most prestigious law firms. 223 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,639 When Ethan's grandmother was 24, 224 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,919 she had just arrived in London as a refugee 225 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,360 and was already raising three young children. 226 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,839 When Ethan's great-grandmother was 24, 227 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,639 she had already contracted the polio that would later kill her. 228 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,599 The end times are upon us! Yeah, no shit! 229 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,839 Repent! Repent! 230 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,480 Now, THAT was living! 231 00:09:48,481 --> 00:09:52,679 Babe, it's OK. You're just trying to find the right moment. 232 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:56,399 Stop being so hard on yourself. I need to tell them today. 233 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,599 We have to send over, like, proof of income and stuff this week. 234 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,239 They're gonna fucking hate me. 235 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,559 Sam's going to want to take space from our friendship, 236 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,599 and Ethan's going to bleach his hair again. 237 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,199 Oh, babe, listen, 238 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,359 I'm sure they've figured it out, OK? 239 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,359 They're smart people. 240 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,599 Annoying? Yes. Unbearable, even. 241 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,479 But they're smart. 242 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,399 Hey! Look around. We did it! We finessed it. 243 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,559 We finessed life. Endgame! 244 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,160 THEY BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY 245 00:10:34,271 --> 00:10:37,959 Oh, no, babe, I'm late for bouldering. 246 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,220 We're learning a new grip. 247 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,959 Love you! Love you, Schmoop! Have a fun night out. 248 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,080 And keep Find My Friends on! DOOR CLOSES 249 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,880 I'll introduce you first. 250 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,919 You're gonna love it here. 251 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,599 Everybody, this is Sam. Hi! Sam, everybody. Hi, guys! 252 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,119 She's crashing for a few weeks. Hi, guys! 253 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,559 Sam! Zara's told me all about you. 254 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,839 I read your piece 255 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,639 about the political aesthetic of the Kardashians. 256 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,279 I couldn't agree more - obviously. 257 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,479 You know, Kim Kardashian is essentially a Blairite construction. 258 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,559 It's so fucking interesting. 259 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,839 Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. 260 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,799 I showed them all your Substack... 261 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,319 Proud ex. ZARA CHUCKLES SOFTLY 262 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,319 Come on. So, in your analysis, 263 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,759 I noticed a glaring absence of Kourtney, 264 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,839 which I thought was great, 265 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,439 cos I find her really problematic, to be honest. 266 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,479 Yeah, right?! Definitely. 267 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,410 Oh, nice. Yeah, I used to be in this room. 268 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,639 Oh, my God, I love it. 269 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,559 I'm, like, actually so obsessed with exposed wood. 270 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,999 I tried to expose more wood in my last flat. 271 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,079 Sam, I'm... I'm really grateful you're here. 272 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,039 This feels like a really important moment for us, 273 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,199 as old loves and new friends and... 274 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,239 ...and housemates. 275 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,359 And Leon will explain the anarchist politics of the space to you. 276 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,839 Yeah, and I'll also chat to you about payment deadlines and stuff. 277 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,399 Just cos this is, like... 278 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,479 At its core of this space, it's a liberationist environment. 279 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,919 In order to have that, you just need to be keeping 280 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,319 an eye on Monzo requests, Splitwise and that kind of thing. 281 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,370 OK. 282 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,530 OK. 283 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,799 This is my wall. 284 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,279 TELEPHONE SPEAKER: Step one - 285 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,399 we're gonna take our patch and apply it to the wall. 286 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,639 Two - be as generous as you like in this scenario. 287 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,199 For this job, we're going to need some multipurpose Polyfilla. 288 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,639 You want to sand it down until it's really smooth 289 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,759 and you should be able to paint at that point. 290 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,519 TELEPHONE SPEAKER: If you're watching this before September the 1st, 291 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,750 you're about to have a lucky girl September. 292 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,599 They are really tailored. 293 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,519 Escucha las palabras de las brujas! 294 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,879 Escuch... TELEPHONE PINGS 295 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,239 SAM: Ethan, where the fuck are you? 296 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,559 ABI: Ethan, come on! What the fuck? Oh, fuck. 297 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,280 Where are you? This was your idea! 298 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,999 ETHAN GASPS 299 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,050 Fuck! 300 00:13:21,111 --> 00:13:25,519 Amazing outfit. You look really... I'll see you in there. 301 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,399 I just need to squeeze through. Sorry, I'm playing. 302 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,639 Sorry, I'm DJing, I'm DJing. It's my friend's... 303 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,159 Oh, my God! Hi! Sorry! 304 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,599 Oh, my God, what the fuck?! I'm sorry. 305 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,079 Where the fuck have you been? This was your idea. 306 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,799 I know! You missed pre's. 307 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,399 We had baby Guinnesses and now you're not in the Instagram. 308 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,639 But I caught up on the Tube. 309 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,279 I had, like, ten BuzzBallz and now I feel electric! 310 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,719 Also, look what I found in my wallet. Ethan! 311 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:45,999 I think it's cocaine. It's white. 312 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,519 Yeah, but, like, six people die from every kilo of cocaine made, 313 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,759 you know? Yeah, but a kilo's, like, a lot, right? 314 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,479 Everyone here is a gay guy. You said it was gonna be diverse. 315 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,279 I thought you meant racially. OK, well, it's not that either. 316 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,199 All right, can we pick up the vibe, please? 317 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,039 I'm so ready to mourn our old flat 318 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,439 by throwing myself at someone on steroids. 319 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,799 Please, please, please, please, please! 320 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,279 When was the last time we went out as a three? 321 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,919 Is it all right if Tom comes? 322 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,319 He said he's round the corner. 323 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,959 I didn't know there was a squash court nearby. 324 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,079 Oh, pack it in! 325 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,839 I never thought I'd see Tom at Slut Pig. 326 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,439 Slut Pig?! 327 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,559 It's really hot. It's really hot. 328 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,039 Am I gonna be OK getting in? 329 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,999 Because obviously, I'm not gay, so... 330 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,359 Everyone's a bit gay! 331 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,439 No, I'm not, and neither are you. Sh! 332 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,359 Guys, we haven't moved! 333 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:31,159 It's one in, one out, and it's ?20 on the door. It's ?20?! 334 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,839 Oh, my God, that's why this crowd is like this. 335 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,399 Nobody's creative or interesting here. 336 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,319 Neither are we. Can we just go somewhere else? 337 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,479 No, guys! Seriously, this is one of the coolest club nights in London, 338 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,799 I promise. 339 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,599 Charlie! Hey, it's Tom! Looking ripped, man! 340 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,879 That's Charlie from bouldering. 341 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,360 He does compliance for HSBC. 342 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,039 No, please, we can't bail! 343 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,839 I've done coke which people died to make! 344 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,079 There's nothing open. 345 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,599 Nothing open?! No. Guys, this is pointless. 346 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,399 Let's just go back to Slut Pig. Oh, my God! No! 347 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,279 That fucking place smelled like gonorrhoea. 348 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,890 Yeah, I'm not contracting something antibiotic-resistant this week. 349 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:09,879 Guys, shall we just call it a night? 350 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,319 I've... I'm so broke until we get that deposit back, anyway. 351 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,790 We're not getting the deposit back, obviously! 352 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,640 Why? 353 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,799 Oh, my God, Ethan, did you not fix the hole? 354 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:22,919 I think I'm dyspraxic. 355 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,639 I could never catch a ball and I don't know how to spell. 356 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,799 I'm sorry. I will pay you back. Obviously I'll pay you back. 357 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,759 Are you fucking serious?! I don't know how to fix a wall! 358 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,279 I'm not... Bear Grylls! 359 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,279 You just use gauze and you spray caulk all over it. 360 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,759 Fucking hell, you guys are entitled! 361 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,519 God, no wonder Abi doesn't want to live with you any more. 362 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,559 WHISPERS: Tom... What? 363 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,399 TOM! What? I haven't... 364 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,599 What, you haven't told them? 365 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,919 What? Oh, babe, come on! 366 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,719 She is sick to fucking death of you pushing her around! OK? 367 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,199 Babe, you can tell them. They're fucking adults. 368 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,999 What did you just call me? Abi, we don't push you around. 369 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,279 Tell him we don't fucking push you around! 370 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,719 I never said that. 371 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,879 I'll order us a cab, bab. What? 372 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,919 What, you're just gonna live with Tom, then? 373 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,479 And what, get married 374 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,519 and drink flat whites and eat tapas?! 375 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,439 And make a baby out of your cum and your eggs?! 376 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,279 Well, you can't live in your 20s forever. 377 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,159 You're fucking in them! We're all fucking in our 20s! 378 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,399 When the fuck were you gonna tell us this, Ab? 379 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,919 Huh? 380 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,239 We have to sign the contract in a fucking week! 381 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,559 We can't do that without you. We don't have proper jobs! 382 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,879 Whose fault's that?! 383 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,239 Excuse me, people are trying to sleep! 384 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,239 Oh, my God, it's Friday night in London! 385 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,319 Move back to Surrey and leave the interesting people alone. 386 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,959 I'm so sorry. 387 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,559 So sorry. That's you. See her? That's who you are now! 388 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,479 Whoa, whoa! Back off! That's who you are! Back the fuck off! 389 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,999 Babe, you look nothing like that, OK? 390 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,119 Nothing. CAR HORN HONKS 391 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,600 OK, cab's here. Come on. 392 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:41,890 I'm sorry. 393 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,439 I want to live somewhere where I can have people over 394 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,159 and we can have them Negroni Sbagliato things. 395 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,439 And, you know, maybe I could do a post about it on my Instagram. 396 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,239 And the girls who I went to school with will see it, 397 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,159 and they'll go, "Oh, wow, look at her go! 398 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:01,279 "Abi's really living in London and has this amazing life, 399 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,439 "and we should all just give up!" 400 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,119 Well, that's fucking sad. 401 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,230 You want to pretend like you're an adult? 402 00:17:07,231 --> 00:17:10,039 Well, it's better than pretending I'm a child. 403 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,160 Babe... 404 00:17:11,161 --> 00:17:13,399 CAR HORN HONKS Babe, come on! 405 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,639 I mean, the cab's here. 406 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,170 My Uber rating's important to me, babe. All right! 407 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,370 I'm sorry! 408 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,110 Well, that's worse than not fixing the wall. 409 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,159 Where are you going?! I'm getting the fucking bus! 410 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,640 I hate the bus! 411 00:17:37,961 --> 00:17:40,759 We'll start looking for two-beds. 412 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,599 I know the Brockley place was nice, but I think we can... 413 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,720 I can't believe you didn't fix the hole. 414 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,159 I'm sorry, genuinely. 415 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,399 I wasn't being a cunt. 416 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,800 I just wasn't... thinking about anything. 417 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,090 A lot of the times, it's the same thing. 418 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,410 What? 419 00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:06,119 I'm gonna go back to the warehouse. 420 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,039 But I found a Spoons that's open! 421 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,240 Not tonight. 422 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,839 When Ethan's great-grandfather was 24, 423 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,070 he had already helped carpet-bomb Dresden. 424 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,879 When Ethan's grandfather was 24, 425 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,719 he had already married the love of his life, 426 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,199 the only woman he had ever or would ever kiss. 427 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,679 Jesse, can you wait up for me? 428 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,320 I think I left my keys. 429 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,679 I'm, like, rock hard on the bus. 430 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,919 I'm, like, horny as fuck. 431 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,040 So, like... 432 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,480 ...stay awake, yeah? 433 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,439 When Ethan's father was 24, 434 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,959 he was out at a bar when he, by chance, 435 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,850 caught eyes with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. 436 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,319 Just a few short weeks later, 437 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,839 that woman introduced him to Ethan's mother. 438 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:58,890 Fuck, you look good. 439 00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:02,559 Where the fuck have you been? 440 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,199 I want you to fuck me like I'm nothing. 441 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,239 Wait, I fuck YOU? 442 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,479 Now, THAT was living. 443 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,439 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 444 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,919 Ow, ow, ow! Are you OK? Cos it's barely in. 445 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,719 Yeah, yeah, no, it feels amazing, apart from the pain. 446 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,239 OK, yeah, I'm sort of losing my boner here. Fuck! 447 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,039 Say something mean to me. Um... 448 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,639 Uh, I don't think you douched properly. 449 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,839 Not like that! I don't know if you have! 450 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,919 It's fine. I haven't eaten all day apart from, like, one kebab. 451 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,279 A kebab?! Yeah. 452 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,639 Uh, spit in my mouth. 453 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,360 Um... OK. Spit in my mouth. 454 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,999 Like that? No! 455 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,559 Spit on my face! Like, spit on... 456 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,879 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse! 457 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,039 Pull out! What? I'm not even in! 458 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,839 Fucking blinded me! 459 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,999 Not in my fucking eye! Fucking... 460 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,199 Here! I can't see it! 461 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,079 Great! 462 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,199 Friendship changes when you're older. 463 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,559 Things end, you know? It sounds healthy to me. 464 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,799 "Healthy - that's healthy! This is healthy!" 465 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,959 When did everyone become a fucking doctor? 466 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,480 It's so hot in here, Jesse. 467 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,359 Where are you gonna live now, hmm? 468 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,359 Back with your parents? 469 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,719 Fuck, no. I'll just stay here 470 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:07,239 until me and Sam can find, like, a penthouse or a bin or something. 471 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,559 I feel dizzy. 472 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,439 I feel like the coke lied to me and it was ket the whole time. 473 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,279 Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan... Yeah? 474 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,530 I feel like maybe we're not on the same page about this situation. 475 00:20:17,531 --> 00:20:19,959 This situation? Yeah, we are. Mm-hm? 476 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,759 Yeah, you can still fuck people in the bed. 477 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,079 Like, I don't care. 478 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,399 Like, you don't even need to wash the sheets. 479 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,279 I don't have a sense of smell ever since I walked into the glass door 480 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,199 of that doughnut place. Sure, but I would wash the sheets, 481 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,279 cos they're linen. 482 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,690 Is that good or bad? Find somewhere else to stay. 483 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,799 But you... 484 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,039 You said I could... 485 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,879 Ethan, I said you could stay for a couple of nights. 486 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,520 But this energy you're bringing, it's really, uh... 487 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,359 Mm, yeah, it's really not my vibe. OK, OK. 488 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,959 I'm under a lot of pressure at the moment. 489 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,079 My nephew's in ICU, 490 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,079 and I just hit 30K on Instagram, so... 491 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,199 That's amazing. 492 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,679 We're not even together, Ethan. 493 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,560 Look, you can't live here. 494 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,279 Um, I'm sorry, I just feel really, like... 495 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,639 GURGLING 496 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,690 Ethan? 497 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,159 Fuck! Oh, for fuck's sake. 498 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,319 I... I am... I'm just... I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna go. 499 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,600 I didn't mean leave now, Ethan! 500 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,360 Where shall I send your stuff? DOOR CLOSES 501 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,079 By most standards, 502 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,960 Ethan had one of the easiest lives in recorded human history. 503 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,200 But by his own standards, Ethan was fucked. 504 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,839 He was fucked. 505 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,999 Everyone he knew was fucked. 506 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:49,799 The world itself - the whole world - was irredeemably fucked. 507 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,400 DOOR CLOSES 508 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,530 Jesse kicked me out. 509 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,519 Let's... 510 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,080 Let's just one thing at a time. 511 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:21,730 Yeah. 512 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,839 DOOR OPENS, CLOSES 513 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,480 All right, step aside, I've got the proper stuff. 514 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,959 Someone in the warehouse does woodworking. 515 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,360 Yeah, that makes... a lot of sense. 516 00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:44,839 It seemed inevitable that things would only get 517 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:49,440 exponentially more fucked, day after fucked day, until death. 518 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:52,680 And yet... 519 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,279 Guys, I feel really guilty. Yeah, me too. 520 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,919 OK, well, 521 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,759 that doesn't really help anything, does it? 522 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,199 God, imagine if it did. 523 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,479 Then everything would be fine. 524 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,559 Everything IS fine... 525 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:08,610 ...idiot. 526 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,039 And yet... 527 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,720 Can I stay with one of you tonight? 528 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,879 ? You drive my car, I drive your dick 529 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,559 ? And I don't care if we fall off the cliff 530 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:29,399 ? You drive my car, I drive your dick 531 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,319 ? And I don't care if we fall off the cliff 532 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,439 ? When I moan in your car 533 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,679 ? I call that ASMR 534 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,919 ? You love it when I moan in your car 535 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,479 ? I call that ASMR... ? 536 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 537 00:23:46,130 --> 00:23:50,680 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0